Do you know, I’m having an absolutely lush day today and just wanted to take a couple minutes to ‘smell the roses’. Woke up at 7am, on a Sunday too, had a wee cuppa in bed and promptly fell back asleep… until 12pm… that wasn’t on the cards, but I’m still a teenager at heart. Had a wee mosey round the neighbourhood park, which was very soothing. Although the Berlin winters are incredibly grey and depressing, one thing that brings me warmth is that people leave out food for the birds – they just pop some fat balls in the twiggy trees or hang them off railings – anywhere really. I haven’t seen that in any other city… or maybe I’ve just never been as desperate to seek out morsels of positivity in such bleak winters.
As a side-note, I hate calling them ‘Fat Balls’, having being scarred with embarrassment as a teenager when mum dragged me to the local market and said to the stall-holder: “I wanted to ask for fat balls but I might as well ask for big boobs”. Of course, the older I get, the more I accept that I too will my scar my children with such tongue-and-cheek statements.
Anyway, in the spirit of January, and as I sip a large G&T with my treat-yourself-gin from Duty-Free, I think now is as good a time as any to *insert sparkles* reflect and jot down my goals for the year. Fun fact (for those who don’t already know): the month of January is named after the Roman God ‘Janus’, who had two faces – one looking back; one looking forward. Go figure.
Looking back, 2021 was a great year for me! Sure, it wasn’t ideal but all things considered, I’m so grateful I got to see friends and family back home (several times), saw two of my very good friends tie the knot, had a paddle at the seaside, had the best fish & chips of my life at the seaside too, got a promotion, became more involved with mental health, supported loads of small businesses, supported charities, entertained my friends with crap, beige food (admittedly that one’s a little weird, but the people love to see it), learned to follow my intuition and stand up for myself and… as smooshy as this sounds: I found a part of myself that I didn’t know was lost, and that was such a clutch turning point for me… but maybe more on that another day.
For 2022, I have fairly high expectations for myself. The overarching theme is to push myself more. I have a terrible habit of refraining from things because I don’t want to do them, or because I’m not “in the right frame of mind” – whether it’s a tough conversation or doing the dishes. I need to push myself more and not be so apathetic when I avoid something because that does me no good. I’m still young but I don’t have all the time in the world. I can’t just leave something for another day, nor put it off entirely simply because I can’t be bothered.
I’ve set myself a couple of really basic, small tasks to push myself. One is to write every day – even if it’s just for 20 minutes and it’s absolute garbage, I should still do it – I’m delighted to say I’ve stuck to that so far! I know we’re barely a week in (and I actually missed a couple days) but the point is I’m doing it most days, it brings me joy and it’s good for me – well done me! I’m less enthusiastic about my other task though: not to let the dishes pile up – again, teenager at heart. I just can’t describe how much I hate doing the damn dishes. And don’t even suggest a dishwasher to me. I have no room – no, not even the wee slimline ones, just don’t. Anyway, deep breaths, back to my happy vibes. I’m a grown ass woman and will no longer huff and puff about the dishes… and hopefully this year will get a flat with a bigger kitchen and *fingers crossed* a dishwasher. All thoughts and prayers welcome, thank yew.
Ultimately I want to see what opportunities come as a result of actual hard work, and I’m hoping that doing little things for myself will lead to a greater sense of accomplishment and do wonders for the ol’ schmental health.
For the first time in months, I genuinely feel very chilled, confident in myself and completely at peace. I hope this energy fills you up too and wish you an excellent year ahead! Namaste.
Bridget McMillan 